so explain again why im purple
no
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
