Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
