goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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