he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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