$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
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