I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
