just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
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