I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You're a waste of cheezeits
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
