Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
