Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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