porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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