Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
