So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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