I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
