this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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