Plan B is the new Plan A
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
