last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
