The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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