I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
