just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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