This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
