I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
