it was like eating out sand paper
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
