im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
