Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
