Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize