I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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