You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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