HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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