Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
