In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
