Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
