And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
