I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
