i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
People in love make me want to vomit
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
