i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
