are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
