he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
