I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
