i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
In other news, I just burned my penis
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
