I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
