I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
