so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
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