its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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