the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
