my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize