i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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