I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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