i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
