i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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