Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
