I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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