The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
