a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
