thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
