so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
