why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
