I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
