it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
