apparently the secret to your success is patron
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
two words...techno handjob
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Just pee around me
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
