the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
