I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize