If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
