At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
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