I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
