i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
