found the other keg... it's in the tree
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
