I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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