Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
