were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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