I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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