happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
