this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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