If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
