can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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