I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
